Chapter 9- Recovering a Sense of Passion

The blocked artist spends a lot of energy on self-hatred driven by anger and/or fear. Often Cameron mentions that we think in such broad strokes that we become defeated before we even have a chance to fail. We need to learn to take smaller more attainable steps. It seems to me that taking smaller steps is a way I can practice being kind to myself.

"Do not call the inability to start laziness. Call it fear."

"There is only one cure for fear. That cure is love."

"The need to be a great artist makes it hard to be an artist. The need to produce a great work of art makes it hard to produce any art at all."

We often sabotage ourselves because it is a lot safer to stay blocked than be a productive artist. Cameron calls these creative U-turns. "A successful creative career is always built on successful creative failures."

I often find myself stuck in fear because I am not sure what I am good at. Maybe that is just it...maybe I just need to start trying new things instead of assuming I need to get better at something I think I want to do. 

I had a  "Just Start"  moment this past weekend that I want to share with you later.

{Blog content was taken from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way}

Week 8 Artist's Way

This chapter is about facing loss and being able to let it transform your work. Julia Cameron writes, "In order to recover our sense of hope and courage to create, we must acknowledge and mourn the scars that are blocking us." Not only do we have to grieve what has been done to us but the ways in which we sabotage our own chances to risk artistically. We have to ask ourselves how can this loss serve me creatively?
I don't have a lot of experience with this particular topic because my fear lies in getting started. However, I have experienced rejection in other ways and it can be hard to try again. To some degree I can understand why the wound of being rejected could cause an artist to be blocked.

Age is another barrier that she mentions as a creative block. I am 32 and I feel like I have used this line a time or two when it came to learning a foreign language or playing an instrument.

I think the reason you don't see a lot of adults trying new things is they have settled into a way of life that doesn't allow time to pursue the things they want.

I have a friend who says "Some people use their kids as a reason not to kick ass at life." I don't think this only applies to married people with children. I think for most people running after material things or simply status quo keeps us wrapped up with those around us and we have no time to figure out what we really want.  I think we also waste a lot of time on the Internet or watching t.v. . I am not anti these commodities but they can zap a lot of time quickly.

Cameron's solution to artistic wounds and age excuses is to take baby steps. She believes that taking too big of steps can create defeat, but baby steps help us stay motivated and encouraged.

I tell myself I don't currently (in Africa) have access to the things I would want to try but the truth is there are things I am interested in trying like: learning to knit, learning to weave a basket, or trying to write poetry to share at a poetry slam. I believe there are creative opportunities all around us, but we have to be willing to see them.

{the following ideas have been taken from The Artist's Way}

Chapter 7 The Artist's Way

Chapter 7-Recovering a Sense of Connection
"...art is not about thinking something up. It is about the opposite- getting something down." -Julia Cameron

A lot of times I feel this way about art. I think that is largely why I am scared to paint. I feel like I have to have a masterpiece instead of just putting something down. Cameron,the author, suggests that art is about tapping into a world that lies just under our normal consciousness. I don't know exactly what this means, but she alludes to the idea of resting and listening to ourselves.

For years now I have tried to learn to listen, meditate, and be connected to my body. When I say tried I really mean for about 5 minutes I may sit with the intention of clearing my mind from all the clutter. Needless to say I found this chapter a bit daunting. It is easy to allow myself to feel defeated but I am determined to possess this type of inner peace. Learning to listen to my inner creativity will take time but I believe it is a process that will come with more discipline and practice.

Perfectionism
"Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead."

"...perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough- that we should try again." She says letting go is part of creativity because we never finish our art we just reach stopping points.

I have to be willing to risk in order to create and with risk comes the potential of failure. This not only affects my creativity but bleeds into other areas of my life as well. I have wanted to learn Spanish for years, but when it comes to speaking I get scared of looking dumb. It seems I often prefer comfort to accomplishing my goal.

"Usually when we say we can't do something, what we mean is that we won't do something unless we can guarantee that we'll do it perfectly." GUILTY!

The crazy thing is I want more than anything to risk because it is what makes me feel alive. One of my biggest fears is to settle for the mundane and forget that life is about what you are willing to do.Cameron asks the the question:  If you didn't have to do it perfectly what would you try?
There are several things that come to mind: acting, painting, photography, and/or writing.

Jealousy
"My jealousy had actually been a mask for my fear of doing something I really wanted to do but was not yet brave enough to take action toward"

Can anyone say blog envy? This happens more than I would like to admit. Sometimes I have to put myself on blog restriction. I can get so wrapped up in what others are doing that I feel zapped creatively.  I also find that I start putting myself down and I don't like this side of me. I want to be able to see the beauty that we all offer collectively and still feel good about my own creativity.

Exercise jealousy map-write down who, why, and my action against the jealousy.
I do not like admitting that I am jealous but it is true...we all are. This was a good exercise. It not only helped me identify jealousy, but it also helped me to take action against my jealousy. I have noticed that jealousy robs me of my confidence, but when I take action it seems to disspate and I begin to feel like my old self again.

{All quotes and subject matter comes from Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way}

Week 6-Recovering a Sense of Abundance

This chapter is entitled Recovering a Sense of Abundance. She explains how money can be a creative block. It is easy to use the excuse oh I don't have money for an art class. This may be true but we don't necessarily have to go that extravagance to unblock our creativity. She challenges the reader's view that of money, God and creativity. Some examples of this would be, "Do I  believe God would provide for me in a way that also includes my creativity?" I often think of creativity as a luxury or I think that in order to create it needs to be big or take a lot of money. An example of small luxuries may be how often do I buy flowers for myself or take a trip to a museum? It is these small things that nurture our spiritual and creative growth.

It was interesting to see how quick  I assume these are her Western ideas for those that have plenty.Here in Africa where there is little people still create and make the most amazing craft like this  (crocheted plastic bags).  The truth is I don't believe God cares about creativity. I don' t think it is possible to have these desires also be God's desires. Cameron states"thinking like this is grounded in the idea that God is a stern parent with very rigid ideas about what is appropriate for us." 

If you have spent any time around me it wouldn't take long to see that money is a quick way to witness my anxiety. I am scared of the power that it has over people. It can erode relationships,compassion,sincerity, and justice. As I began to think more about how I fear the power of money what I realized is that I believe money is more powerful than God. If I were to fall into the trap of money God would leave me to my own devices. I  know this sounds crazy, but this is what I fear. This glaring reality led me to think about verses that I could remember off the top of my head in regards to money. The one that came to mind was 'the love of money is the root of all evil.' The funny thing is that what I remembered the verse saying was 'money is the root of all evil'. Somewhere along the way I have made money evil not greed. I don't exactly know how to process this experience but I do hope because of this discovery I can begin to adjust my thinking. Money has been used to do some amazing things in health care, education, and so many other areas. It has been used to provide for people that may not have been given certain chances.

There is an exercise at the end of the chapter that asks you to complete the phrases. Some examples are:
People with money are....
Money makes people...
In my family money caused...

Once I read all my answers I realized I had an extremely negative view of people with money. I found I was judgmental and harsh towards them. This harsh tone was concerning because I knew this was not accurate of all rich people. I made a list of people who I considered to have money in order to decide if these accusations were true of them. They weren't. I know some absolutely lovely people who are rich and not consumed by greed. People who have been gracious to me and so many others. The more I though about it the more stories came to mind where people had used the resources they had to do good.

I really enjoyed journeying deeper into this part of myself. I have known my been aware of my anxiety but it was nice to be able to put my finger on some of its origins.

{The following topic and quotes are taken from the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron}

Artist's Way- Recovering a Sense of Possibility

I have slowly still been going through The Artist's Way. This is one book I am determined to finish before I return home. It haunts me.  I know it requires so much of me, and I don’t always make time for it.

                           

This week’s Topic Recovering a Sense of Possibility

The author talks about how we continue to choose to stay blocked as artists because we are scared of what we might possess. She states that with God as our source of creativity our creative reservoirs are unlimited. “We decide how powerful God is for us. We consciously set a limit on how much God can give us or help us. We are stingy with ourselves. And if we receive a gift beyond our imagining, we often send it back.”

I have a hard time believing God cares about creativity. As I have slowly gone through this book, I have found that I becoming more confident and whole as a person. I do believe that God wants me to create. Creativity brings about something that has been lost in most people’s lives. Because I didn’t come out painting masterpieces in middle school or high school then I believe it is not possibly for me to be an artist. But isn’t art the manifestations of our creations? It is teachers and textbooks that make art an exclusive category. I am not saying there is not room for certain genres, but we should understand that the field of art is broader. Why wouldn’t we encourage one another to create? Are we too scared they would be some sort of competition?

The author claims that as we become connected with the one who has given us our creativity we become less harsh with ourselves, more trusting, less fearful, and more open. We start to depend on Our Source instead of trying to meet our needs through people, places, and things.

When we choose to stay blocked we are without this connection. We don’t often take the time we need to cultivate our creativity. One obstacle she suggests is our niceness. We put others before us so often that we are left with no time to ourselves. This lack of time keeps us blocked, our true self begins to whither away. “Virtuous to a fault, these trapped creatives have destroyed the true self, the self that didn’t meet with much approval as a child. The self who heard repeatedly, “Don’t be selfish!” The true self is a disturbing character, healthy and occasionally anarchistic, who knows how to play, how to say no to others and “yes” to itself.”

“Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer or sculptor or geneticist if at the same time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good-looking, good-tempered, well-groomed, and unaggressive.” –Leslie M, McIntyre

Some questions

1.What would I try if it wasn’t too crazy?

2.What would I do if I weren’t too selfish?

3. The reasons I don’t believe in a supportive God.

4. Ten ways I am mean to myself.

5. What is your favorite creative block?

6. My payoff to staying blocked is…

Artist's Way Wednesday-Week 3

Chapter 3-Recovering a Sense of Power

This week she talks about such topics as: anger, synchronicity, shame, dealing with criticism, and growth.

Anger is fuel and it is meant to be listened to.  Anger is to be respected and it shows us where we want to go. Here is an example: "I could make a better film than that!" (This anger says: you want to make movies. You need to learn how.) (Cameron, p.61-61)

I don't know if I get to the point of anger but I sometimes find myself being jealous (which could be a form of anger) as I observe the artistic gifts of others.

Synchronicity is when our prayers or events (if you are not religious) line up for us to pursue the dream we have held on to for so long. Often when these events happen it can be fairly easy to dismiss them as chance.

This type of experience recently happen to me. I had finished reading this particular section and began to wonder if there was an opportunity that I wasn't seeing. A co-worker's name popped in my head. I knew that him and his fiancée were having a smaller wedding and I wondered if they needed a photographer. Well I went back and forth in my mind. I tried to talk myself out of it. I told myself "you don't have the right equipment." Then I realized this is an opportunity and I can take it or I can let it pass me by. So I asked him if he needed a photographer and he was ecstatic. I am glad this chance didn't get away.

There have been others times when I wasn't so confident and those opportunities did pass me by. It was because of my fear of being shamed. That fear of someone telling me I wasn't really an artist or my work is no good. I think it is this same fear that keeps us in the closet in regards to our creative exploration. It may be possible that we are terrified of what may come to the surface and peep its head into our art.

"Art brings things to light. It illuminates us. It sheds light on our lingering darkness.." Julia Cameron

This type of illumination can have affects on those around us especially our families. "Art opens the closets, airs out the cellars and attics. It brings healing." (Cameron, p.68)

The antidote for shame is self-love and self-praise. We cannot control all the criticism but we can sift through and find the useful criticism (non-shaming in tone).

"Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself." (Cameron, p.74)

Some of the Weekly Exercises
1. Describe or sketch your childhood room. What were your favorite things?
2.Describe 5 traits that you liked in yourself as a child.
3.List 5 childhood accomplishments and 5 favorite childhood foods.
4.Take a look at your habits. Some interfere with self-nurturing and cause shame. Do you have a habit of watching TV you don't even like? List three rotten habits that you have.
5. Make a list of friends that nurture you.

Artist’s Way Week 2-Recovering A Sense of Identity

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” –Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This chapter talks about poisonous playmates, crazymakers, skepticism, and attention.

Cameron mentions that we have people around us that cause us to return to a state of being blocked creatively.  She calls these people poisonous playmates. They are people who see you recovering creatively and it bothers them. This could be because the recovering artist isn’t catering to his/her every need anymore or because they are aware of their own blocked creativity. 

While the recovering artist is attempting to get in touch with their creativity they are still vulnerable to old ways of being or relating that keep them blocked. “As blocked creatives, we focus not on our responsibility to ourselves, but on our responsibilities to others. Blocked creatives are easily manipulated by guilt.” Can you identify with either of these people?

Crazymakers are people who want to absorb all your time and energy.

Characteristic of Crazymakers

•         break deals and destroy schedules
•         expect special treatment
•          discount your reality
•          spend your time and money
•          triangulate those they deal with
•          expert blamers
•          create drama
•          hate schedules/ hate order
•          deny that they are crazymakers

“Creativity flourishes when we have a sense of safety and self-acceptance.” -Julia Cameron

Skepticism

We all have secret doubt that holds us back. For example: when we do our morning pages and artist dates we start to feel different, more alive. We tell ourselves it is just a coincidence. We are quick to discredit any change as chance.

Attention

When we are able to be attentive to our surrounding and our senses our creative self begins to heal.  As we begin to take time for our self we start to notice more and our attention leads us to delight.

Here are some of this week’s task

        1.  Ten Tiny Changes: List ten changes you'd like to make for yourself, from the significant to the small or vice versa.

              2.  List where your time goes and how much time you spend on each activity. How much of your time is spent helping others and ignoring your own desires?

             3.  List 20 things you enjoy. Out beside the item write the last time you let yourself do these things. Pick two things and do them this week.

 all of the above information comes from the Artist Way by Julia Cameron

Artist Way Week-1

"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong." 

-Joseph Chilton Pearce

Here are the notes from this week's Artist's Way.

So I did say that I would blog on Wednesday about the Artist's way. Well that isn't exactly what has happened so far. I am only meeting with my friend every other week. She is out of town this week so we will pick up again soon. I will most likely end up blogging every other Wednesday at the very least. Here are the exercises and material that we have covered so far.

Often times when we are growing up we don't get the support/encouragement that we need to continue creating. So we may go through life not ever tapping into our creativity. We may also find ourselves becoming friends, dating, or marrying people we could consider artists. She calls this a shadow artist

"Artists love other artists. Shadow artists are gravitating to their rightful tribe but cannot yet claim their birthright.Very often audacity, not talent, makes one person an artist and another a shadow artist-hiding in the shadows, afraid to step out and expose the dream to the light, fearful that it will disintegrate to the touch."
Julia Cameron

She would say in order to come out of the shadows we must nurture our artist within. This is why she has created the morning pages and the artist dates. It is in these times we are able to get back in touch with that part of ourselves. When we begin creating we won't turn out master pieces and that is ok we are only getting started. We have to be careful because it is in these beginning projects that the shadow artist will try to discourage us to continue on.

"Judging your early artist efforts is artistic abuse." Julia Cameron

She says it is our core negative beliefs that keep us in the shadows and keep us scared. She calls these negative beliefs, blurts. One of the first assignments is to write down these blurts. Here are some of my examples:

-I don't have good enough ideas
-I'm not an artist
-I haven't had any training
-I will never be as good as my brother
-People will laugh

(It was really scary how quickly these thoughts came to mind.)

Take these negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones.

The other assignments that she gave are:
List 3 old enemies of your creative self-worth. Be specific. She states "Your historic monsters are the building blocks of your core negative beliefs." Julia Cameron
Select a story from your horror story hall of fame. Give details of the room, the people who were there,the way you felt, whatever comes to mind. Then write a letter on your behalf to that person.
Then list 3 champions of your creative self worth. Then write a detailed story about the encouragement. Write a thank you note to that person.
Take your artist for a 20 minute walk, using your senses to notice all that is around you.
This study requires a lot of thinking and writing, but it is so great to see what comes to the surface.

Prayer: God show me the ways in which you have endowed me with creativity.

The Artist's Way Wednesdays

On Wednesdays I am going to be sharing with you as I read through the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I originally started this blog to document my progress through the book. I was going through it by myself and was having a hard time staying on task. I asked several friends but no one was as excited as I was. I decided to continue working at my own pace BUT then a couple of weeks ago I found a woman who was interested. Tah Dah! I am very excited to be meeting together every other Tuesday to discuss the book. I will share with you what I have discovered or made recently. Feel free to follow along with us.

The Introduction: She discusses the lay out of the book. The daily morning pages and artist's date. Often times we want to be more creative but we simply don't know where to start. The author assigns morning pages as a way to unblock our creativity. For 15 minutes every morning I am supposed to write down anything that comes to mind. It can be what I need to do that today, what I am feeling, or a short story. It is completely up to me.

Cameron talks about how we have a censor. The censor is the voice we hear when we venture to do something creative. "You call that writing" "You won't be any good why try." "it's too late to start now."

In the morning pages she encourages the writer to identify that voice. She asks the question: What negative experiences have we had with others that has stifled our creativeness? These experiences only serve to strengthen our censor voice. By writing about these experiences we are able to be more aware and in being aware we take away the power of that voice.

"We tend to think, or at least fear that creative dreams are egotistical, something that God wouldn't approve of for us." Julia Cameron (our censor voice can even parade itself as spiritual)

Another part of the assignment is to go on artist dates with myself. This is a time to refresh myself and feed my creativity. "Spending time in solitude with your artist child is essential to self-nurturing. Our creativity will use this time to confront us, to confide in us, to bond with us, and to plan." Julia Cameron
She encourages the participant to be present to themselves in these moments, using their senses to take in the moment. "Art is born in attention. The artist's language is a sensual one, a language of felt experience." Julia Cameron